Sort of back on track?

155.5

Yesterday I was still two pounds over THAT so I'm going to be generous to myself and say that the Hormonal Imbalances are still haunting me, but whatever. Moving on. This week - this month - I shall PULL. IT. OUT.

I've been thinking about what it means to maintain. I catch myself thinking, "Oh, when I'm not trying to lose this weight anymore I can eat [FILL IN THE BLANK WITH DELICIOUSNESS]." I tell people, "Oh, let's go eat that AFTER my birthday!" But you know, if I really did eat all the things I tell myself I can eat after my birthday, I'll be back to 180 pounds in no time. So I am more than a little nervous.

I'm starting to think that maintaining is doing what I'm doing now, more or less, but without the daily weigh ins, without the "if I eat that I'll gain three pounds overnight", without the constant front-of-my-mind-ness of weight loss. I think maintaining will be more like: I can eat that, and it will be yummy, and if I gain a pound that's okay, because I can always lose it tomorrow. You know, like you're just going back to that level spot, instead of always striving for lower. The striving, that's what's hard.

Will I be able to keep the incentive? I didn't turn into a fitness nerd this year. I never run farther than 3 miles, I have absolutely no intention of moving up to Shred Level Three. I am content to do Just Enough. I like the idea of running a 5k one day, or turning running around the lake (2.8 miles) into a regular gig, but there will be no signing up for 10ks and half marathons for me. I do this because 1) I am thinner for it and 2) I can't prove it, but I think my brain is healthier for it too. I hope that's incentive enough. (It should be. But I am lazy. I think I've mentioned that before.)

As for eating, I hope to move towards a "low glycemic" diet. Which is basically low carb. I need to give it a different name, though, because there's so much I want to add back in. I want to learn to cook things like barley and quinoa and get some brown rice in my house to eat when Phillip's chowing down on the jasmine. I want to start eating fruit again, but fruits with low glycemic values - grapes, apples, stone fruits - rather than high - watermelon, my faaaaavorite.

This post was originally going to be just a big list of things I miss eating. But I've restrained myself. Be proud of me. Because tortellini with cream sauce is not going to be on the menu when I maintain either. SIGH SOB WEEP.

Comments

[Jen]

You have really done so amazing at this whole weight loss/health thing. I am very impressed.

[Manda]

I restrain myself from those lists too. I MISS YOU CHEESE!!

[Kanuck]

If you like Indian food, I seem to recall that Basmati rice is lower GI (not as good as brown, but at least in the mid-range list).
Congrats on the maintaining, which is the hardest part for most people!

[Charlotte]

At one point I became less about calorie counting and about calorie budgeting. For instance: I would rather have the carbs from a fresh slice of bread from Balthazar Bakery than a hamburger bun or overdone fries, so I grab the burger wrapped in lettuce and pat myself on the back (I mean, the calories in cheese and beef don't count, because they are protein, right?).

[annie]

Maggie, you're doing great! I've found that it gets to a point where you can look at yourself, your day, your life, and realize that you have made a change in lifestyle that makes you a healthy person. I don't know if I'll ever be one of those people who doesn't need the scale to keep her focused (because, seriously? If I don't stay focused we've got serious problems.) but being able to recognize that I'm a healthy eater with a healthy view of excercise, etc. is huge. Keep up the great work!

[Jess]

I think your idea of maintaining sounds nice and realistic. You will gain weight sometimes, but then you can lose it again. Maintaining doesn't mean your weight never budges. You know?

Also, the whole "after my birthday" thing is kind of like spending money. Whenever we think of something we want to buy we say we'll do it next year. I don't know what the hell kind of money we think we'll be coming into next year. At this point we've mentally spent our entire annual income. Oops.