155.5
Yesterday I was still two pounds over THAT so I'm going to be generous
to myself and say that the Hormonal Imbalances are still haunting me,
but whatever. Moving on. This week - this month - I shall PULL. IT.
OUT.
I've been thinking about what it means to maintain. I catch myself
thinking, "Oh, when I'm not trying to lose this weight anymore I can
eat [FILL IN THE BLANK WITH DELICIOUSNESS]." I tell people, "Oh, let's
go eat that AFTER my birthday!" But you know, if I really did eat all
the things I tell myself I can eat after my birthday, I'll be back to
180 pounds in no time. So I am more than a little nervous.
I'm starting to think that maintaining is doing what I'm doing now,
more or less, but without the daily weigh ins, without the "if I eat
that I'll gain three pounds overnight", without the constant
front-of-my-mind-ness of weight loss. I think maintaining will be more
like: I can eat that, and it will be yummy, and if I gain a pound
that's okay, because I can always lose it tomorrow. You know, like
you're just going back to that level spot, instead of always striving
for lower. The striving, that's what's hard.
Will I be able to keep the incentive? I didn't turn into a fitness nerd
this year. I never run farther than 3 miles, I have absolutely no
intention of moving up to Shred Level Three. I am content to do Just
Enough. I like the idea of running a 5k one day, or turning running
around the lake (2.8 miles) into a regular gig, but there will be no
signing up for 10ks and half marathons for me. I do this because 1) I
am thinner for it and 2) I can't prove it, but I think my brain is
healthier for it too. I hope that's incentive enough. (It should be.
But I am lazy. I think I've mentioned that before.)
As for eating, I hope to move towards a "low glycemic" diet. Which is
basically low carb. I need to give it a different name, though, because
there's so much I want to add back in. I want to learn to cook things
like barley and quinoa and get some brown rice in my house to eat when
Phillip's chowing down on the jasmine. I want to start eating fruit
again, but fruits with low glycemic values - grapes, apples, stone
fruits - rather than high - watermelon, my faaaaavorite.
This post was originally going to be just a big list of things I miss
eating. But I've restrained myself. Be proud of me. Because tortellini
with cream sauce is not going to be on the menu when I maintain either.
SIGH SOB WEEP.