The plan

159.5 today. So I'm, uh, not losing weight. OBV.

I ran at least two miles, usually about two and a half, one time I ran three, every day last week, so I find my weight loss wall a little bit discouraging. Then I remember Easter candy and dim sum and the birthday parties we attended this weekend and the general presence of SUGAR in my house and I am thankful I haven't GAINED weight.

I am motivated to exercise. Actually, I should say I am motivated to run. But my motivation isn't about losing weight so much as my fear that I will 1) gain it all back and 2) never be able to run again if I go more than a few days without running. I feel like I've worked REALLY HARD to get to this point where I can run without stopping for minutes and minutes and minutes at a time and I'm terrified of losing that.

I am not, however, terribly motivated to eat well. I feel like all the running should take care of that bite of cupcake I had at the birthday party, forgetting it wasn't just the cupcake, but the enchiladas and the candy in Jack's treat bag and the taste of homemade ice cream (YUMMMM). Plus I've had all this stuff in my HOUSE for weeks now, and it's much harder to resist when it's right in front of you.

So... yeah. The solution is to cut back on that stuff, right? Then my weight loss will start up again and all will be well. I've just been saying that for weeks now and it's not happening. I'm starting to think I don't have it in me anymore. DRAMATIC SIGH.

If I step out of the wah, not losing weight unhappiness, I can say that I AM pretty content where I am right now. This size is ok, this weight is ok, people are always noticing I've lost weight which is as awesome as it is embarrassing. I don't want to get into that numbers trap, where all I think about is getting to that magic number on the scale. That doesn't sound fun.

On the other hand I don't think I'm ready to give it up. See, I think I can DO IT. Even though I'm at a standstill right now, I keep thinking "if I only run a little bit longer" or "if I only run a little bit farther" or "if only I control myself around that leftover bag of pinata candy" I can pull this out. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN.

I'm going to try and look at the bright side, I think, which is that at almost-thirty, and the mother of two babies, I am in the best shape of my life. (Don't laugh. It's all relative.) This weekend I mapped a two mile run through my neighborhood, and was totally utterly shocked at how easy and quick it was to run outside (I know I know, two miles is nothing, but it feels a lot longer on the treadmill) (and that's another post!) and that's just not something I've ever thought I would ever TRY let alone EASILY ACCOMPLISH.

But I'm also going to try and lose these last 8-10 pounds. I want to be 150 by my birthday. I WILL DO THIS. And if it doesn't happen? And even if it does? I think I will be done. I think I'll be ready to not be in Weight Loss Mode for a while.

Comments

[Jess]

I think this is a smart approach. You can do it, but if you don't, cut yourself some slack for awhile. You look great and are awesomely fit!

[Jen]

You can do it! You've already done so amazing!

[Arwen]

I don't know much about this, but our friend the Weight Loss Nerd has this thing about how you have to measure inches along with pounds to chart your getting-in-shape process? Because you could be losing fat but still gaining or plateauing weight-wise when you're exercising and building muscle? That's right, isn't it? Maybe measuring along with weighing would help you feel like you were still making progress even if the numbers on the scale weren't going down!

[Elsha]

The lack of motivation is killer. Especially when my favorite foods are hanging around the house begging to be eaten.

[Lindsay]

Way to stay positive Maggie. Best shape of your life and post two babies is a total accomplishment. Keep at 'er.

[Charlotte]

Good job! I agree, it is worlds easier to run outside, the treadmill seems so bloody tedious, it cannot be beared.

[Christiana]

A tip that I've heard from my workout-understanding family (the in-laws. My own family believes that a brisk walk is significant exercise for health)is that if you plateau or you're having trouble losing weight by basic "watching what you eat" and one type of exercise then you need to add another type or exercise. So, weights? Or sit ups? (I hate sit ups, so feel free to throw something at me) or something else? But running alone may not do it.