Running brings out the cheese.

I just finished another two miles. (Oh, for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, I ran two miles, without stopping, for the very first time in my entire life earlier this week. Twitter=shouting from rooftops/mountaintop/into everyone's ear whether they want to listen or not.) (Also, I am not really the type of person to shout as I have a very high Pride Threshold and oftentimes would rather die before admitting that I can't do one thing or another, but this took extreme exception.) (Also also, I try not to let my Pride Threshold get in the way over here. Anyway.)

So now I am sweating into my laptop (literally) because... actually I don't know anymore. I just need to think. My weight has been all over the map this week and I could either have gained two pounds by Monday or hit my goal weight and then some. I am shooting for my goal weight, obviously, and the two miles I ran today (and the two I plan to run tomorrow) better help.

Once I hit my goal weight (for it will be done) I will have lost these same 30-ish pounds three times. You know what that means? It means that the size I used to be is no longer My Size. I can't go around saying, "Oh, I lost some weight recently and now I'm New Size." Because it won't really be recently. It was that first time around, but now I've had two babies and worked myself back to New Size. I think New Size has become My Size.

And maybe that's why it doesn't feel all that special. Sure, I'm happy (and relieved, mostly relieved) that the weight came off. I really do think I have taught myself how to eat, which includes knowing that I could (and would very much like to) dive into a bowl of chocolate frosting at any time and watch all those pounds come back. I even think I am learning about exercise. That it's not necessarily the worst thing in the world and that I feel great when I finish, even if I am still the farthest thing from a Fitness Gal. (Was it Lindsay who called me that in the comments? THAT was funny.) But I don't have the Wow! I Feel So Different! thing that was a part of weight loss the first time. I guess that's another piece of evidence for the 'My Size' argument, eh?

Say I hit my goal weight on Monday. (Who knows. But let's say so. It's more fun that way.) The lowest weight I've ever been as an adult was five pounds below that. Five more measly pounds. I want to go at least that far.

And then... I don't know. Right now this is all about fitting back into my old clothes. Health is a big part- diabetes runs in my family, and I've got that side of the family's body type. But I'm not shooting to be a size four (if such a thing were even possible) (DOUBT IT) or run marathons or even half marathons. I don't have time for that. I know people who do, but I'd rather read or blog or go out to dinner, and I don't think that means my priorities are out of whack. I remember watching the last Biggest Loser and hearing those women talk about how many hours they spent in the gym, how many hours they spent away from their kids. And I know they were on a game show and competing for many thousands of dollars and that, truly, their lives were at stake. But there are a lot of things I'm not willing to give up for weight loss. I've given up about a half hour of nap time every day and I know that doesn't sound like very much, but I think the moms know THAT IS A LOT OF NAP TIME. So I feel like I can say, "Yeah, I DID find time for weight loss." Enough time.

I feel like I am giving some kind of valedictorian speech before I've even graduated. Okay. I'm off to take a shower. My parents are coming up this afternoon and I hope to God my kids are babysittable (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, MOLLY) so I can go out for a glass of wine with friends after dinner. Obviously I have no intention of giving up my wine.

Comments

[Lindsay]

Oh crap Maggie. I just finished shutting down my husband on his invite to go to the gym. Now you've gone and motivated me to take back my decline and go. Gahhh. LOL. You are so right about feeling good after working out. Working out is just something people don't regret doing...sooooo off I go. Enjoy your wine!!! And hells ya girl on your first ever nonstoppable two miles. You ARE a fitness person.

[Jess]

This is awesome. I mean, I can totally relate. It doesn't matter that the weight you're at is awesome, it's not New and Exciting because you've been there before and we always tell ourselves that the lowest weight we've ever been it is our only weight, our real weight, and so then nothing else is exciting. Very frustrating. But you have accomplished so much and I am way jealous.

[Charlotte]

Yay! Now I know that I need a non-food reader or feeder or whatever because I only came over on a whim. I could have gone a full week sans semi-triumphant update.

I always find it funny that when I'm within arm's reach of my goal it almost never manages to seem worth it. I'm either already thinking of the next step or overanalyzing my every motivation.