When I bought the little St. Joseph to bury in our yard back when our house was on the market, Phillip gave me a Look. He said, "Oh, you're going to be THAT kind of Catholic now?"
And I said, "WHAT kind of Catholic?"
And he said, "You know, superstitious."
I was halfway offended, even though he was only halfway scorning me. To me it was just one of those Catholic Things, and it obviously wouldn't HURT. And why wouldn't it help? But I did think about the superstitiousness of it, and the superstitiousness of many of the things I do (and love) as a Catholic.
Right now I am saying the St. Andrew Christmas novena. I'd never heard of it before Lauren and Miriel mentioned it (on Twitter, I think) and I read some "success stories" (testimonies?) about it and I thought the same thing I thought about St. Joseph: why not? Except this is a prayer, not a plastic statue I ordered off the internet. It had more merit. But think about it: you're supposed to say the prayer 15 times every day between November 30 and Christmas. And then your wish will be granted! SUPERSTITIOUS MUCH?
Well, that's what I would think if I didn't believe in God. I might even think it if I was some other Christian denomination. But I am a Catholic, and the type of Catholic who very much loves all the weird little bits and pieces, prayers and strange stories and holy things, and it only occurs to me to think: why not?
So I've been saying my 15 prayers every day, and I have a specific super huge intention in mind when I say them (it's not about me, so I won't be sharing it here) and I've noticed two things.
The first is that it's pretty easy to memorize something when you're saying it 15 times (and I say them all at once) every day. And now it doesn't feel like some random chant, it feels more like when I pray the rosary and I'm saying 10 Hail Marys in a row, but while your mouth is forming the words, your brain is elsewhere. And not elsewhere as in what you have to do that afternoon or why my husband left his dirty socks right in FRONT of the hamper instead of IN the hamper. The words of the prayer paint a picture of what it was like in that Bethlehem stable that night, and somehow my mind is floating there, feeling the piercing cold, noting the blessed moment. While I'm making my 15 repetitions, I feel my body relax, warm up, I feel peaceful. The only other prayer that "relaxes" me is the rosary.
The other thing I've noticed is how much I DON'T hate reading the prayer. Maybe "notice" isn't the right word... So one of the things I am not so much a fan of is reading prayers out loud together. Especially prayers someone made up for a special occasion and stuck in the worship aid. Seattle just got itself a brand new archbishop, so the other night I was in a meeting and it was requested that we all say a prayer for the new archbishop. A sheet of paper was handed around with the prayer on it and we all dutifully read it out loud and UGH I just REALLY don't like doing that. I don't really know why, either. I don't know if it's a holdover from my NDCF pray-what-you're-thinking days, if it just sounds like schoolwork, if it doesn't mean anything to me because it wasn't "from my heart", or if I just don't like reading out loud (and being read to). Or all of it. But whenever we have those prayers in church or in a meeting or workshop or whatever I just feel STUPID. Just me?
BUT. In the years and years I've been trying to figure out my How To Be Catholic stuff, one thing I've definitely come to appreciate are the written prayers - the old written prayers. Guess what: their words are WAAAAAY better than my words. Thank God I don't have to depend on my 21st century language, full of pauses and "like" and the gobs of Christianese I soaked up in the NDCF. And I think the words of the Christmas novena prayer are just beautiful. I didn't notice it when I first read the prayer, or the first couple times I prayed it. But now, when I say it, I am struck by different phrases and different times. Some lines feel powerful. Some words stand out or illustrate something every time, even though I've been saying it over and over for days.
Observing Advent has been a bit of a bust so far. The "wreath" I made was a huge hassle - the kids were OBSESSED with lighting the candles and fighting over who got to blow them out and it just didn't feel very ADVENTY. You know? Lisa had this MARVELOUS idea where she made construction paper candles, taped them to the wall and let her girl tape a new flame for the candle each day. If only I had construction paper... I'm doing my best to talk up the Baby Jesus with the kids, and we're doing a lot of Christmassy activities (mom points!) but for me, my Advent has so far been about this prayer. A few minutes out of every day to say these words over and over, to wait and hope for something, to trust in my Father.
Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen.
