Shoot, we're ALL bad Catholics!

I don't often have opportunities to talk about Being Catholic with people who might want to become Catholic. I think this is because God knows I am not very good at that sort of thing and he'd just prefer if I stayed out of the way altogether. But it happens every so often and I never fail to feel stupid and inadequate afterwards. I also end up wishing Phillip were in on these conversations because you guys? Phillip is just GOOD at talking this stuff out. It's kind of amazing. He comes off as the least judgmental person in the room, yet manages to challenge you anyway. It makes up for all the times he wants to talk about speaker wire. 

Anyway, I mixed myself up in another of these conversations recently and I've been chewing on it ever since. This time I don't feel stupid, but I do feel very much inadequate. Also incredibly frustrated with The System and my inability to DO anything about it.

It's all very unbloggable so I won't say much about the specifics, but the whole conversation made me feel sort of hopeless. Here is someone who is obviously trying, who is interested, who is searching, who has put in the effort, but the environment is (as far as I can tell) wholly unsupportive - and I'm including the church providing the RCIA classes. Some of the 'unsupport' is to be expected, but I feel angry with the church for discouraging an inquirer simply because they can't figure out if they want to offer childcare or not (amongst other obnoxious things). Oh, this STEAMS me. 

That said, I feel the Inquirer... lacks a foundation, of sorts. And when I ask what is drawing the Inquirer to Catholicism I get answers that heavily involve what I've started calling in my head "The Rules". Feeling like all the other faiths out there are just doing whatever they want, picking and choosing what they want from the Bible and all that, while the Catholic church offers... I don't know. Concrete instructions, a solemn liturgy, communion every week, unchangingness. 

(I did not ask the Inquirer if the Inquirer had heard the term Salad Bar Catholics. Sigh.)

I didn't quite follow all of that part because, well, that is not the part that attracts ME. And most of the converts I know are converts from a Protestant faith who were sort of rejecting (and this is just MY impression, not their words) touchy-feeliness for the liturgy. So I am just guessing that my Inquirer is coming from that perspective as well. 

But there's other stuff too... there was a bit of Political Hot Button-ness and disagreement with/confusion over some of the more infamous Rules and just a general feeling of "I'm not good enough to become a Catholic so maybe I shouldn't do this."

To which I say: POPPYCOCK. Well, I didn't say that. I bit my lip and tried very hard to think of Something Intelligent To Say That Would Give The IMPRESSION Of Poppycock Without Actually Having To Say So. 

Here's one point I don't really know how to make: it's one thing if you are just in major disagreement with Abortion Stuff and Gay Stuff and Contraception Stuff and all the other Stuff that people get all flustered about. I totally see having Issues with Religious People In General And Their Medieval Rules. I GET THAT. But I think it's totally another thing to be so obviously searching, to be involved, to go so far into it, and then say, "But I don't think you should be out there picketing abortion centers. That's just terrible. I don't like that and that must mean I'll be a bad Catholic."

EYE ROLL. 

Another point is... well, you've heard me say this before, and I'm sure plenty of people will/do disagree with me, but I think that is all SO SECONDARY. The first thing is to have a relationship with God. If you don't have that, you're going to have a hard time with the other stuff. Again, if you don't WANT the relationship, that's one thing. But when you DO, to let the politics and issues get in the way from what is really 1) not as complicated and 2) so much more important... I think that's an excuse. Is the theology sound on that point? I have no clue. It just makes sense to ME. And this is MY Catholic blog. So there. 

And the last and biggest thing I wanted to say, which I DID manage to say actually, is: Perfection is not a requirement to become a Catholic. Or a Protestant. Or ANY OTHER KIND OF CHRISTIAN. This kind of thinking, where you feel judged (or are judging yourself) before you even take a step... dudes, our sinfulness and imperfection, that's the whole POINT. Very very VERY few of us are saints. None of us have done things perfectly. All of us have regrets. And those of us already in the church are just as screwed up as those who aren't. At certain points in this conversation I wanted to interrupt and say, "You think YOU'RE bad? Listen to THIS!" 

I mean, thank God we HAVE church. The place we can go to receive Jesus, to get close to holiness, to confess, to KEEP TRYING. 

I feel as though I am losing patience in this post. Hmm. 

But I was NOT losing patience in my conversation. I felt excited, then frustrated, then hopeless. There's really not much I can do to assist this Inquirer, for various unbloggable reasons, except, ah, to inquire as to the situation every so often. And pray. It's clear to me that God is in pursuit, and what is un-support in the face of that? Right? 

I wanted so much to say - SO MUCH - "it's not about that. It's about JESUS." 

But what would that mean to the Inquirer? Not much. All this surface conflict and resistance to certain "requirements" is where the Inquirer IS. The church only means as much as the Inquirer understands. Faith is only as deep as the Inquirer. Know what I mean? And as annoyed as I get with Higher Ups demanding adherence to the certain requirements when the Inquirer doesn't even know WHY the church HAS those requirements... I'd be doing the same thing. You have to start at the beginning. Most people don't immediately joyfully sign onto the hard parts of living the faith - their hearts are changed, they're convicted. And who am I to dive in saying, "Forget all that stuff you think is so important! It's not about that right now! It's about YOU and GOD!" That's... well, easy for me to say, right? 

UGH.

Comments

[Lindsay]

I was just thinking about this blog today. I always enjoy what you write here,and today I like the reminder about the power of prayer. Praying for somebody is a huge something. And Happy Birthday too!

[Laura]

I'm a cradle Catholic but have helped with RCIA over the years. One thing I heard a priest say to the inquirers that made SO MUCH SENSE is: "Can you say the Creed and believe it? Can you say 'yes' to that? If you can make that profession of faith, you believe what I believe about being a Catholic. That's enough."

We baptize infants and give communion to 7 yr. olds; grace for the journey, right? Loved this post!

[Lindsay]

Came back to read other comments. What Laura said is exactly what my mother says to me too.

[Megan]

I spent a huge part of my life being nothing. That is, I was baptized Catholic and did 1st communion and age 7 or so, then NOTHING ELSE. In fact, I would have categorized myself at that time as being anti-organized-religion. So, I sort of got to have this conversation with myself when I got married in the church and then again when we started having and baptizing children.
When we got married I went to confirmation classes but when it came time to be confirmed I just couldn't do it. I felt like there were all these rules and beliefs that came with being Catholic (or at least how I understood Catholicism then) and I just couldn't get behind them all. I felt like if I went to the confirmation I would be lying, in church, and even if I wasn't completely sure being and honest to goodness Catholic was for me that still seemed like a very bad idea. The priest was so nice and thanked me for going to the classes and being so thoughtful about it and for being honest. We were still able to get married in the church.
Then when we had our second son I went through the confirmation classed again. I don't know if the teacher was just better at explaining everything or if I was just in a better place to hear it but I was really overjoyed to find that Catholicism to me seemed to me like, well, like coming home. I BELONGED there.
A big part of the difference was a conversation I had with a (different) priest about my concerns and what had held me back the last time. His point to me is that we are all imperfect Catholics, that I don't have follow every rule perfectly all the time, that as long as I try to look at an issue from all sides, keep an open mind, and prayerfully and respectfully give the church and it's teachings extra "weight", then it is ok not to be 100% there on the day of my confirmation. This advice has helped me so much, and I have found that as my faith grows and my knowledge about what the church actually teaches and why grows, the amount of weight I give it has grown as well. His point was, I believe, not that it is ok to not follow the teachings of the church, but to recognize that I am on a journey of faith and not to deny myself the chance to learn and grow in faith because I was worried about not doing it right or the "requirements" or not being 100% there in my understanding. There are still some things I am struggling with but I simply ask God to help me understand even when I can't imagine how exactly I am going to get there.

OK, wait, what was the question again? Am I even still on topic?