As I put Emma down for bed tonight I thought about how possibly the best thing that happened to my spiritual life was becoming a parent. I took a picture of my kids sitting at the dining table tonight, right before we were about to eat dinner, and posted it to Twitter and Instagram with an inexcusably cheesy caption. I can see the dining table from the chair in Emma's room where I sit and rock with her, and I asked myself what it was, exactly, that made me feel so full tonight.
Because... let's be honest. I am tired. I spent most of my not-taking-care-of-kids time today digging up my yard, cleaning up the kitchen, and sorting through Emma's clothes. I made dinner when I really didn't feel like making dinner. I ran errands and started buying gifts for the nine zillion May birthdays in my family. I feel like I haven't talked to Phillip in weeks. I'm not not doing well, I'm just tired and in need of a bath and what in the world was particularly joyous about asking my kids to eat their broccoli over and over and over. What would I tell a friend who doesn't have children? What is so GOOD about this?
"Well," I said to my imaginary friend, "I think it's just that they exist. They're just here. And I love them."
I've confessed to you that I know, like, a negative amount of Bible verses, but every so often one runs through my brain (if I may paraphrase): if YOU know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give to YOU. Or something like that. You get the gist.
Not long ago I wrote a post about how I worry that I sometimes spoil Molly. It's just that I enjoy delighting her SO MUCH. Girlfriend loves her morning coffee shop muffins with Mommy, she's super excited to go shopping, she's just the best little partner and several times a week I tell her she's not allowed to go to kindergarten next year because what will I doooooo? ("Mommy, EMMA will get bigger and then you can talk to HER.")
God loves me at least that much. God loves me a trillion times more, being God and all. I can't fathom it, and yet, because I'm a parent, I have the tiniest sweet little HINT. If even YOU, you lame flawed pathetic little human, know how to love your children, how much more does the Almighty Father love YOU?
I know. We can say it together. DUUUUUUUUDE.
I think all this sunshine puts me in a very sappy mood. Sorry. Good thing it's such a rare event HAR HAR.