A Bleg

Maybe I'm in a bad mood, I don't know, but I'm getting kind of bored with this website. No, I'm getting kind of bored of myself. At this point I thought I'd be all, "The end is nigh!" and writing all sorts of navel-gazing posts about what it's been like to be pregnant and what I think it'll be like with a new baby and what I'm afraid of and what I'm excited about, but I've already written those posts a hundred times and I'm BORED. I can't even imagine how bored YOU must be. Seriously, the most exciting thing that's happened to me in days has been figuring out that those weird little pulsing kicks are actually hiccups. Hiccups! And since I always feel them underneath my bellybutton, the boy is probably head down and how great is that! Super great. zzzzz...

See? I have just sat here for an hour wondering what to say next. BORING.

So I think I'm going to take a break. And by "break" I mean "tear myself away for a few days until I have something new to say, or at least until I have returned from the Michigan wedding when I can at least post a picture of my very first Great Lake." Something like that.

In the meantime I have a bleg. Bleg: to write a blog entry or comment for the sole purpose of asking for something.

A few months ago at the height of my What The Hell Have I Done Nervous Breakdown, I was reading pretty much everything I could about post-partum depression. (If you're interested, I like what Moxie says best.) I was (and still am) 99.9% certain that childbirth will be a breeze compared to post-partum depression, which in my case will be post-partum anxiety. All the things I do to manage stress and prevent anxiety are going to be seriously thrown out of whack by a newborn baby (any kind of baby, really) and I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be like or how I'm going to handle it. A few months ago I was sure I'd have to be medicated with horse tranquilizers and thrown into an Institution. Now I'm thinking it might not be so bad, because I'll have family and friends and fun and sunshine and no job where stupid people call me on the phone and the knowledge that I really really want this huge drastic change in my life. If it happens, I'll deal. Right? Right.

But anyway, I was telling an Older Wiser Lady how anxious I am about being anxious and I asked her if she had any ideas for what I could do to help myself ahead of time. She told me a story about a pregnant woman who sent a letter to every mother she knew asking them to write back with their answers to one question: What was the best thing about having a baby? She asked them to ask their mom friends, their own moms, every mom they knew, and by the time she had her own baby, she had a big stack of Best Things, stories she could read whenever life felt like more than she could handle.

I want a big stack of Best Things. Relaxation, exercise, wine, distraction, TV, sunshine, coercing my husband into giving me a back rub- all of that stuff helps me feel better in the moment, but what helps move me out of the anxious place is perspective. Reality checks. Someone else's optimism. Remembering that I don't stay anxious forever. And I have a really hard time doing that by myself. I would love to have a stack of Best Things sitting on the bookshelf in my baby's room that I could pick up and read during a bleary-eyed 3am feeding, or that I could picture waiting for me when the baby is on his fourth hour of howling and I have no idea why.

I could probably go to the bookstore and pick up some mommy version of a Chicken Soup book or a devotional or some gooey parenting book with a pastel cover and curlique title font, but I have a WEBSITE. And I know that a lot of you who bother to read this particular website have kids. So my bleg is that over the next couple of weeks, whenever you have a chance and think of it, I'd love it if you could leave me a Best Thing comment or write me a Best Thing email. And if you know someone who'd want to write a Best Thing, send them my way.  I'm going to ask my real life people too, friends and family and coworkers, even though a lot of them will think I'm a Dork with a capital 'D'. Hopefully by the time my baby arrives, I'll have a big stack, bound with a ribbon and sitting peacefully in the baby's room (or at least printed out and cluttering up the dining room table.)

So help a girl out, Internet! And while you're doing that, I'll be figuring out how much Xanax I can take for the airplane ride without giving birth to a stoned baby.

Comments

[Laura]

Wow, tough assignment. There are so many great things about being a mom it is hard to think of a BEST thing. So far I think the BEST thing is having her arms wrapped around my neck, nuzzled in close while I sing to her at night. She usually rubs my back at the same time. Then she looks up, and says "Anns?" and that means it is her turn to sing...all she sings is "mama, mama" over and over to a new tune each night LOVE IT!!! Oh, and I sing "you are my sunshine" with the added verse Sandra made up (Jazzie and Tahlia on my blog list" Just so you know..it goes like this

Mama and Daddy got on an airplane
We went to China to bring you home
When we first saw you we knew we loved you
Now you'll never be alone

Hope some of this helps. Have fun at the wedding!

[Courtney]

I'll second the tough assignment sentiment because there are so many wonderful things. The first month or two are a blur to me because they ARE exhausting and tough--but they are finite. And even then, you love this little person so much and are daily discovering your baby.

That said, one of the best things is being on hand for the constant new developments and discoveries and achievements. It's thrilling and you feel just so awed by your baby as they figure out they world around them.

But the BEST thing is the sound of my son's laugh when he is tickled by something I do or sharing a little joke with me. And the BEST thing is the way he lights up when he sees us after time away (I'm home with him, so there isn't much of that, but it's a pretty cool response and it's what he does when Daddy gets home after work--sweet). And another BEST thing is when I hold him and he pats my back.

And the BESTEST BEST thing is the overwhelming love I feel for him every day. He's 15 months old now and it's still a thrill to realize he's here at last and he's here to stay and I get to love him and watch him grow and discover this little boy all his life.

This isn't very articulate, but it's a start. Keep in mind that for many/most people, around 2 or 3 months is when your baby smiles and more and more interactive and delightful personality comes through.

Wishing you all the best--while it's tough and challenging at times, it's also the most worthwhile, joyful, wonderful, amazing, satisfying, and magical experience of my life!

[Carrie]

I think that this is a great idea. I had PPD with my first son, and I needed to read things like this at that point. If I ever have PPD again (crossing my fingers I don't... I didn't with my second), I'm stealing this idea!

The best thing about having a baby... hmmm... there are a lot of 'best' things if that is even possible.

The smell of a freshly bathed baby, and the softness of their skin when you kiss that freshly washed cheek.

How even a tiny baby knows that you are his Mommy, and loves you the best.

The tiny, tiny fingers that curl around yours when you give him your hand.

When they laugh with genuine delight at something silly you do.

That feeling you get in your heart where you feel like you might explode with love if you love him even one ounce more.

The smell of baby breath.

The feeling of baby breaths breathing on your neck while his head is on your shoulder.

The way that you will be a hero forever in his heart by doing simple things like taping a paper back together, cutting the crusts off of his sandwich, or giving him a bottle (or breastfeeding).

Ahhh, makes me *almost* want another. heheheh

Good luck!

[jackie]

I'm thinking...but I *will* respond. There are so many things to say.

[Maureen]

Best things:

Baby hugs and kisses.
Baby laughter. Smiles.
The joyful grins and kicking when you come to get him out of his crib because he's just so happy to see you!
Velvety smooth skin.
The smell of his little baby head.
TOES!

[E.]

I've been thinking this over. I will send you some ideas soon.

[Kimberley]

The best thing about being a Mom. I cannot even express it in words. It is a love I never knew before, a need I never knew I had, a dream come true in ways I could have never imagined, a joy that is consuming, smiles that make soul dance, tears that break my heart. Voices I can pick out of a crowd of 100.
It's the very sweetest gift. I thank God for my babies. I wish you every happiness.

[Beverly]

Not fair. Can't name one best thing. Let's see:

fresh baby bath smell
lap cuddles
kisses for no reason
hearing "mommy" as she runs to me as I pick her up from school
holding her hand walking
teaching her and watching her learn
watching her explore her world
hugs
general conversation
when she says, "mommy, I want you to talk to me." but never tells me about what.
potty training and getting out of diapers

[Salome Ellen]

The best thing about having a baby is having the baby! As in you get to keep the baby, and watch it grow and learn and become wonderful, and suddenly one day other people are raving about your kid. (Couldn't resist that--I'm Arwen's mom ;-) ) Essentially:what everybody else said, and everything they forgot. Being a mom is its own reward.

[Stefani]

The best things when my girls were brand new babies:
-listening to the soft sound of their breath while they slept
-being able to calm them when no one else could(although this is some times a mixed blessing!)
-those first, wonderful smiles
-an excuse to sing, sing, sing every song I have ever known without feeling the least bit self-conscious(I was just calming my babies after all!)

It helps so much to have a friend to remind you that the ups and downs are all a part of the ride. Be gentle and good to yourself.

Oh, and being a Mum makes you love, understand, and appreciate your own Mum in completely new way!

[Tracy]

The best thing about having a baby? Is that I will always have them in my life. Even though what that means keeps changing every year. Every stage and phase has its charms and even better - every stage and phase ENDS - so all the not so fun part of that stage is gone, leaving all the fun memories behind.

And right now, watching my 13 yo grow taller than me is a blast.

(the best part of a newborn is that they smell so nice. And they're so soft. And cuddly. And just incredibly sweet. I'd have another one now if I could.)

[jackie]

Well, for starters, you get to look at this little being that you and your old man created, from your love for one another.

You get to thank God every day for blessing you with this beautiful child.

You get to snuggle up to their tiny little cheeks and fingers and toes, and even though you shouldn't actually eat them, just a nibble won't hurt.

You and your husband are their universe. When something's wrong, they're fussy or in pain, they want *you* to comfort them. It's *you* and not the nanny, the babysitter, your mom. *You*. It's really mind blowing.

When they get a little older and start smiling. That's the best.

Better than that? When they know it's "milk-time" and start smiling and kicking those little legs, and maybe let out a little giggle!

When she finally figured out she liked bathtime...that was a good time. It's like one day, the screams just disappeared, and it became playtime :)