Hot By Thirty

Post-Anniversary Weekend Weigh In

154.5

I'll try to post more later. You = SO EXCITED.

Just in case I don't get back here again

153.8 on my parents' scale, which my mother attests to being "just like the doctor's scale!" HMM. But we will be ignoring all Hot By Thirty rules tonight and tomorrow morning (room service! wine! brunch!) so I'm not terribly optimistic about seeing this number for weigh in Monday. Which is why I'm posting it now because: WOO.

Also: thanks for all the Weight Watchers comments. More on that later.

Quick weigh in

155.5 again. Actually I'm pleased, since I was above that all week and was getting very very mopey about it. I blame my sticky treadmill. Also not feeling too hot about losing 5.5 pounds in 3 weeks, but I might be able to lose 2.5, which would put me at the nice round number of Ten Pounds Under My Pre-Pregnancy Weight.

Also, I'm wondering about you people who do Weight Watchers. Perhaps I am considering. I feel like the low carb thing has gone as far as it's going to go with me, and I've always thought WW was, let's say, more balanced. What's the focus? Portion control? Calories? Low fat? I'm scared that I don't know how to eat like a normal person anymore. I still think a generally low glycemic diet is good for me, but I'm afraid of going overboard on things I CAN eat. Know what I mean? What are your feelings/thoughts re: WW?

Sort of back on track?

155.5

Yesterday I was still two pounds over THAT so I'm going to be generous to myself and say that the Hormonal Imbalances are still haunting me, but whatever. Moving on. This week - this month - I shall PULL. IT. OUT.

I've been thinking about what it means to maintain. I catch myself thinking, "Oh, when I'm not trying to lose this weight anymore I can eat [FILL IN THE BLANK WITH DELICIOUSNESS]." I tell people, "Oh, let's go eat that AFTER my birthday!" But you know, if I really did eat all the things I tell myself I can eat after my birthday, I'll be back to 180 pounds in no time. So I am more than a little nervous.

I'm starting to think that maintaining is doing what I'm doing now, more or less, but without the daily weigh ins, without the "if I eat that I'll gain three pounds overnight", without the constant front-of-my-mind-ness of weight loss. I think maintaining will be more like: I can eat that, and it will be yummy, and if I gain a pound that's okay, because I can always lose it tomorrow. You know, like you're just going back to that level spot, instead of always striving for lower. The striving, that's what's hard.

Will I be able to keep the incentive? I didn't turn into a fitness nerd this year. I never run farther than 3 miles, I have absolutely no intention of moving up to Shred Level Three. I am content to do Just Enough. I like the idea of running a 5k one day, or turning running around the lake (2.8 miles) into a regular gig, but there will be no signing up for 10ks and half marathons for me. I do this because 1) I am thinner for it and 2) I can't prove it, but I think my brain is healthier for it too. I hope that's incentive enough. (It should be. But I am lazy. I think I've mentioned that before.)

As for eating, I hope to move towards a "low glycemic" diet. Which is basically low carb. I need to give it a different name, though, because there's so much I want to add back in. I want to learn to cook things like barley and quinoa and get some brown rice in my house to eat when Phillip's chowing down on the jasmine. I want to start eating fruit again, but fruits with low glycemic values - grapes, apples, stone fruits - rather than high - watermelon, my faaaaavorite.

This post was originally going to be just a big list of things I miss eating. But I've restrained myself. Be proud of me. Because tortellini with cream sauce is not going to be on the menu when I maintain either. SIGH SOB WEEP.

It's a bye week

There will be no weigh in post tomorrow. I was holding steady at 154 all week until yesterday when I inexplicably gained two pounds overnight. We are going to blame it on bloating, irritability and an overwhelming need for chocolate and try again next week. Okay? Okay.

In other Hot By Thirty news I have spent what feels like a fortune on restocking my empty closet, yet I still feel like I have nothing to wear. I need a haircut, but I can't decide if I want bangs or not, so I haven't made the appointment. I haven't had my brows waxed in over a year (and it's not like I've been tweezing them myself). I have ugly tan lines on my back. My hair is still falling out- handfuls every time I get out of the shower. I have four yellow-green bruises on my right thigh because I keep running into the corner of my bed. HOT.

But I've been looking through old pictures because, one month and four days from now, I am going to post a Before and an After. And not just before Jack was born, but around the time I got married, which is when I think I was at my heaviest. I'm not sure, I wasn't weighing myself, but I think I gained weight steadily through college, got married at 23, and didn't start trying to lose weight until a friend asked me to be in her wedding two years later. I think I found my before picture. I haven't found an after picture because GUESS WHAT no one takes pictures of THE MOM.

Stay tuned.

At least I'm learning something

Saturday morning before I wrote the previous post I weighed in at 155. I then ate all sorts of not-so-great things for me, and Saturday evening AFTER I wrote the previous post I went to happy hour and ate calamari and coconut prawns and downed two (TWO) cocktails appropriately named Grapefruit Nirvana. YUM.

Sunday morning I woke up at 155.

That right there, my friends, is called MOTIVATION. I was ALL ABOUT dropping another half pound by Monday. I COULD DO IT! I ate only things I KNEW were okay and I put in a great run. Great meaning: did not think about stopping the entire time. Also, if I ever write a YA novel I am going to have to thank 1) Taylor Swift and 2) my treadmill.

This morning I woke up at 155.5.

SIGH.

Maybe it took an extra day to put on the weight? But looking at my food log, I think what's more likely is: I didn't eat WELL on Saturday but I didn't eat a LOT. Yesterday, all I could think about was snacking, and even though I was snacking on cottage cheese and diet-approved cereal bars and hard boiled eggs, I ate a LOT.

I've noticed that trend in my food log since I've started it. There are some days I just tend to eat less - I'm busy, it's hot, I don't have anything in the house I feel like eating, I might have snacked but I had a salad for lunch - and those are better weight loss days.

So. NOTE TO SELF. Cottage cheese is not healthy if you eat nearly the entire container!

Six to go

Hey look! A weigh in post! THESE THINGS STILL EXIST!

The two or three people who read this website (hi!) left some excellent advice on the last post and I took it all to heart. I felt more determined to REALLY TRY and also more determined to BE OKAY if I couldn't pull it out. And then I took Jess's suggestion to write down everything I eat aaaaand I am down one pound this week. 156. WOO!

Things I did differently:

1. I didn't run every day. I made myself do hateful Level 2 on the Shred video on alternating days. Except for Friday when I was visiting my parents and yesterday when I was too busy salivating over politically-incorrect jewelry (see today's post.) On those days I really watched myself on what I ate, but didn't give myself a ton of grief for not exercising.

2. I wasn't sure what writing down what I ate would DO but I know it's highly recommended so I tried it anyway. Turns out it's not just the Shame Factor, you know, having to write down that you ate ten spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar. It actually sort of helped me ORGANIZE what I eat. I tend to eat the same stuff every day, especially the same kinds of snacks, and writing things down helped me remember that oh, I usually eat that granola bar as an afternoon snack, if I eat it NOW I can't have it THEN.

3. For some reason I stopped eating peanut butter out of the jar. Well. Not as OFTEN.

4. I forgot to buy my favorite low carb ice cream bars at the grocery store last week.

5. On Saturday I woke up early, but I didn't have to feed anyone (my kids stayed with my parents, it was DIVINE) and I knew Phillip wouldn't want to get up for hours, so I laced up my shoes and RAN AROUND THE FREAKING LAKE. It's 2.8 miles. It was my Running Goal. I've run farther than that, though not routinely, so I knew TECHNICALLY I could do it. But it's the LAKE. Where all the RUNNERS are. Runners I've watched for TEN YEARS while thinking, "Duuuuude, there is NO WAY I am EVER doing that." But I did. I really had to push myself on the last half mile or so, and then I was fairly certain I was going to die right there in the parking lot, but I did it, in about 30 minutes, and if I hadn't lost any weight after THAT I was going to be SOMEWHAT ANNOYED.

That's it.

There are six more Mondays between now and my 30th birthday. I don't believe at ALL that I am going to lose one pound a week until then, but I think I could lose a FEW. Onwards and upwards!

FINALLY

Why hello there weight loss blog readers! Did I say I was going to update this LAST Monday? I did? OOPS!

Last Monday was not a good day to weigh in, as I'd had quite the Carby Weekend and was loathe (LOATHE) to step on the scale. So I didn't. What a marvelous feeling! I stepped on the scale three or four days later, after a few good runs and decent eating days, to find I was (SURPRISE) the same weight I was pre-carbfest weekend. So GOD KNOWS how much weight I gained last weekend.

But I stepped on the scale TODAY and I was 157, a whole pound and a half down from my starting weight. That is the first time in over a month that I saw movement in the right direction, so of course there was celebration in the form of buying a pair of size 8 pants. SIZE EIGHT. I feel downright svelte.

(The other pair of pants I bought were a size ten, and a TIGHT size ten at that, but we are not focusing on THOSE pants we are focusing on the SIZE EIGHT pants.)

This week was a good one for me. I really feel like I escaped a lot of my eating pitfalls (except for the making of Jack's birthday cake Friday night, where there was much batter-tasting and frosting-spoon-licking.) I also ran or shredded every day except Thursday, when I'd pretty much lost all sanity due to The Boy Who Will Not Listen. (Oh HELLO Terrible Twos! Please! Sit down! Make yourself at home!)

A few good days and one pound lost is huge motivation to me. HUGE. Now I'm looking at seven pounds to go rather than ten, which feels great. I had several people ask me how I lost the weight this weekend, and while that is TOTALLY UTTERLY EMBARRASSING, seriously, I don't even like it when people notice my HAIRCUT, it also makes you feel like a rock star. Best part: I was not at all ashamed when I went clothes shopping with my size nothing friend today, and even told her what size I was so she could find something for me. That's... well, I've told you how I am The Fat Friend and all that, and also how I know my skinny friends have their own weight and body image issues so I try not to be all self-absorbed and victimy, but feeling confident enough to ask them what they think about what I'm trying on? And to find something for me in a different size? And to tell them why something isn't fitting me right? It's AWESOME. I guess Jillian is right when she says "That is FEAR leaving the body!"

Maybe.

Anyway. My husband, because he is awesome, bought me this for Mother's Day:

Key not included.

I'm not sure how wise a purchase this was, as we own the previous Shuffle (I bought it for Phillip, he doesn't use it anymore, I've been using it for my runs) and I have (weep) lost my iPod touch. I'm sure it's around SOMEWHERE... it's just not in any of the places I think it might be. My new iPod is, as you can tell, the size of a KEY so really, this doesn't bode well.

But, like Phillip rationalized, "I thought it was cool!"

I'm excited to be sporting the Newest Technology when I finally get my butt running around the lake. I can do it, I've run that far, I've even run that far outside. But the lake is sort of the place to go if you are a running type in this city and running around that lake would mean... I AM A RUNNER. GAH. (If you are local and haven't heard it yet, you might enjoy this insurance commercial featuring our local lake's "power walkers". I love those insurance commercials, so much I almost want to switch insurance.)

Anyway. If I weigh in something different tomorrow morning I'll let you know. Otherwise, mark me up at 157 baby!

The plan

159.5 today. So I'm, uh, not losing weight. OBV.

I ran at least two miles, usually about two and a half, one time I ran three, every day last week, so I find my weight loss wall a little bit discouraging. Then I remember Easter candy and dim sum and the birthday parties we attended this weekend and the general presence of SUGAR in my house and I am thankful I haven't GAINED weight.

I am motivated to exercise. Actually, I should say I am motivated to run. But my motivation isn't about losing weight so much as my fear that I will 1) gain it all back and 2) never be able to run again if I go more than a few days without running. I feel like I've worked REALLY HARD to get to this point where I can run without stopping for minutes and minutes and minutes at a time and I'm terrified of losing that.

I am not, however, terribly motivated to eat well. I feel like all the running should take care of that bite of cupcake I had at the birthday party, forgetting it wasn't just the cupcake, but the enchiladas and the candy in Jack's treat bag and the taste of homemade ice cream (YUMMMM). Plus I've had all this stuff in my HOUSE for weeks now, and it's much harder to resist when it's right in front of you.

So... yeah. The solution is to cut back on that stuff, right? Then my weight loss will start up again and all will be well. I've just been saying that for weeks now and it's not happening. I'm starting to think I don't have it in me anymore. DRAMATIC SIGH.

If I step out of the wah, not losing weight unhappiness, I can say that I AM pretty content where I am right now. This size is ok, this weight is ok, people are always noticing I've lost weight which is as awesome as it is embarrassing. I don't want to get into that numbers trap, where all I think about is getting to that magic number on the scale. That doesn't sound fun.

On the other hand I don't think I'm ready to give it up. See, I think I can DO IT. Even though I'm at a standstill right now, I keep thinking "if I only run a little bit longer" or "if I only run a little bit farther" or "if only I control myself around that leftover bag of pinata candy" I can pull this out. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN.

I'm going to try and look at the bright side, I think, which is that at almost-thirty, and the mother of two babies, I am in the best shape of my life. (Don't laugh. It's all relative.) This weekend I mapped a two mile run through my neighborhood, and was totally utterly shocked at how easy and quick it was to run outside (I know I know, two miles is nothing, but it feels a lot longer on the treadmill) (and that's another post!) and that's just not something I've ever thought I would ever TRY let alone EASILY ACCOMPLISH.

But I'm also going to try and lose these last 8-10 pounds. I want to be 150 by my birthday. I WILL DO THIS. And if it doesn't happen? And even if it does? I think I will be done. I think I'll be ready to not be in Weight Loss Mode for a while.

Eve of the weigh in

I suppose all I really need to type for this post is SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.

Baked cookies on Friday. Dim sum on Saturday. Easter and all of Jack's candy on Sunday. And! Gaining another pound even BEFORE I got to Friday. So! Tomorrow does not look good!

Molly woke up so early this morning I crammed in a run before getting ready for church. Not that it's done me any good during the rest of the week- I was a Top Notch Exerciser and, I thought, eating well but the scale was not reflecting those points of fact. Tomorrow is only going to reflect the massive and oh so delicious sugar consumption.

One bright spot: one of my sisters was getting rid of a bunch of clothes and asked me if I wanted to look through them first. And I was all, "THANKS A LOT SKINNY MCTHINSTER." But you guys! Some of her old skirts FIT ME. Granted, they are skirts, which are easier to fit than pants, and this sister has lost her own bunch of weight (NOT ON PURPOSE, I might add, which HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?) and is now Officially Teeny. So I was, in fact, fitting into her Fat Clothes. But still. Free skirts!

Later on this week I'm going to ask you runny types some running advice. But first I need to eat the rest of a chocolate bunny, because I only have two more hours to say, "But it's EASTER!"

ETA: I don't know how THIS happened, but I am down to my starting weight. Huh. I weighed myself multiple times and I'm not lying, promise. That morning run was magic! Except- now what motivation do I have not to eat the REST of the chocolate? Hmm.