This weekend did some serious damage to Hot By Thirty, my goodness.
I've been holding steady- not gaining, not losing. I'm beginning to wonder about this. Either my body is very happy where it is, thankyouverymuch or (AND MORE LIKELY) I have stopped doing what it takes to lose weight. And every time I say, "Okay, but THIS WEEK it starts!" I screw it up. We have dim sum after church, or we bring pizza to our friends' house or there's absolutely no time to get in a run over Memorial Day weekend- not if I want to do the 800 things I really want to do.
But also, even during the weeks when I eat as well as I can and get some exercise in every day (and there HAVE been weeks like that) I'm not losing weight. I'm guessing I'm now at a weight/size where I need to step it up if I want to continue to lose weight. Running 30 minutes on the treadmill 4-5 times a week and generally staying away from carbs is no longer cutting it.
So do I want to get to my goal weight, seven pounds from here? Yes! Do I want to step it up in order to get there? Not really!
For those of you familiar with the South Beach diet, I think I've been hanging out in Phase Three (maintaining) when I should still be in Phase Two (slowly losing). I allow myself all sorts of treats, especially if I've exercised or I know the particular treat isn't a huge weight gain danger for me. I only occasionally push myself on the treadmill- I made a concerted effort to run my "fastest" three miles the other day - but most days I tell myself it's not a big deal to go fast or far or long and just do my average speed in my average time. It's still exercise, right? And don't talk to me about shredding. I think the plank position killed my will to live for a few days.
If I want to lose more weight I need to be 1) stricter with myself about what I eat and 2) pushing myself a little farther with exercise, which means going faster/longer on the treadmill and/or mixing it up with some other kind of exercise, probably strength training.
So over the last few days I've been thinking a lot about this. I no longer feel like I HAVE to lose weight. I am nowhere close to skinny, but this is the skinniest I've been since 8th grade. I am six pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. Some of those summer clothes I pined for last year are TOO BIG. I can be happy here.
On the other hand, I still have about a month and a half till my 30th birthday. I seriously doubt my ability to lose seven pounds in that amount of time (since I haven't lost weight for nearly two months now!) but I gave myself a deadline and I am sort of stickler-ish. I am no quitter. I think I CAN lose 7 more pounds, even if it takes me longer, and I DO want to know what that feels like. I have no intention of stopping with the exercise and the low-carb eating. I CAN step it up.
I feel like if I order myself to zero in on weight loss (until I hit 30, when I give myself a much needed break), I will just be experiencing another month and a half of failure. And for me, it's all about the attitude. To be honest, I am tired of this weight loss thing. I am not into Fitness, I am not interested in being a Big Time Runner, I hate feeling guilty when I have three bites of a friend's birthday cake. If the goal were Maintaining rather than Losing, I'd have an easier time giving myself a break. I am tired of feeling bad about myself when people are STILL mentioning my post-baby weight loss.
I can keep THIS up, what I'm already doing. I like running, especially now that I run to music instead of the TV. I totally zone out and you have no idea how many world problems I have solved on the treadmill. Me for President! And I like low carb. Except for that whole people-baking-stuff-for-me issue, t works for me.
But if I want to lose those last seven pounds I'm going to have RAMP THINGS UP, PEOPLE. Run harder, eat less. I don't know if I can mentally do that.
I think I want to try. It's only a month and a half. I can get that far. I think I can I think I can.
So, uh, any suggestions? How do I keep myself even MORE accountable? (Oh, what's that you say? Actually posting to this blog? YOU ARE SOOO FUNNY.)