In which I kind of sort of talk myself into finishing this out

This weekend did some serious damage to Hot By Thirty, my goodness.

I've been holding steady- not gaining, not losing. I'm beginning to wonder about this. Either my body is very happy where it is, thankyouverymuch or (AND MORE LIKELY) I have stopped doing what it takes to lose weight. And every time I say, "Okay, but THIS WEEK it starts!" I screw it up. We have dim sum after church, or we bring pizza to our friends' house or there's absolutely no time to get in a run over Memorial Day weekend- not if I want to do the 800 things I really want to do.

But also, even during the weeks when I eat as well as I can and get some exercise in every day (and there HAVE been weeks like that) I'm not losing weight. I'm guessing I'm now at a weight/size where I need to step it up if I want to continue to lose weight. Running 30 minutes on the treadmill 4-5 times a week and generally staying away from carbs is no longer cutting it.

So do I want to get to my goal weight, seven pounds from here? Yes! Do I want to step it up in order to get there? Not really!

For those of you familiar with the South Beach diet, I think I've been hanging out in Phase Three (maintaining) when I should still be in Phase Two (slowly losing). I allow myself all sorts of treats, especially if I've exercised or I know the particular treat isn't a huge weight gain danger for me. I only occasionally push myself on the treadmill- I made a concerted effort to run my "fastest" three miles the other day - but most days I tell myself it's not a big deal to go fast or far or long and just do my average speed in my average time. It's still exercise, right? And don't talk to me about shredding. I think the plank position killed my will to live for a few days.

If I want to lose more weight I need to be 1) stricter with myself about what I eat and 2) pushing myself a little farther with exercise, which means going faster/longer on the treadmill and/or mixing it up with some other kind of exercise, probably strength training.

So over the last few days I've been thinking a lot about this. I no longer feel like I HAVE to lose weight. I am nowhere close to skinny, but this is the skinniest I've been since 8th grade. I am six pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. Some of those summer clothes I pined for last year are TOO BIG. I can be happy here.

On the other hand, I still have about a month and a half till my 30th birthday. I seriously doubt my ability to lose seven pounds in that amount of time (since I haven't lost weight for nearly two months now!) but I gave myself a deadline and I am sort of stickler-ish. I am no quitter. I think I CAN lose 7 more pounds, even if it takes me longer, and I DO want to know what that feels like. I have no intention of stopping with the exercise and the low-carb eating. I CAN step it up.

Can't I?

I feel like if I order myself to zero in on weight loss (until I hit 30, when I give myself a much needed break), I will just be experiencing another month and a half of failure. And for me, it's all about the attitude. To be honest, I am tired of this weight loss thing. I am not into Fitness, I am not interested in being a Big Time Runner, I hate feeling guilty when I have three bites of a friend's birthday cake. If the goal were Maintaining rather than Losing, I'd have an easier time giving myself a break. I am tired of feeling bad about myself when people are STILL mentioning my post-baby weight loss.

I can keep THIS up, what I'm already doing. I like running, especially now that I run to music instead of the TV. I totally zone out and you have no idea how many world problems I have solved on the treadmill. Me for President! And I like low carb. Except for that whole people-baking-stuff-for-me issue, t works for me.

But if I want to lose those last seven pounds I'm going to have RAMP THINGS UP, PEOPLE. Run harder, eat less. I don't know if I can mentally do that.

I think I want to try. It's only a month and a half. I can get that far. I think I can I think I can.

So, uh, any suggestions? How do I keep myself even MORE accountable? (Oh, what's that you say? Actually posting to this blog? YOU ARE SOOO FUNNY.)

Comments

[Lindsay]

Hmm, good post. I have no advice and although I don't solve world problems on my runs in my head I sure score a lot of championship winning goals and stuff. At least there's that. Maybe you could get the flu again before your birthday? Har.

[Jess]

I don't know. I kind of believe in a "set point" and it sounds like you've reached yours. If I reached mine and then tried really hard to lose another 7 pounds, I would totally gain it back as soon as I stopped trying so hard and then I would be really frustrated.

Not to rain on your parade! Because this is just me and obviously you and I are very different when it comes to our bodies and weight issues. If you do want to lose those 7 pounds, it sounds to me like you already know what you have to do. I think tracking every single thing you eat and every minute of exercise you get will help. And offering yourself some kind of exciting non-food reward when you get to your goal weight? Just a thought.

[Jen]

You've done so amazing already! I know if you decide that you want to, you can do it. (Of course, I think you've done great, so if you decide you don't want to, that's fine with me.)

When I was working out and such, I made a rule that if I didn't work out on one of my set days, I had to write down in my calendar why I didn't. Writing "didn't feel like it" always felt like cheating, so I'd usually just do it instead.

[Elsha]

I plateaued at 150 (my pre-pregnancy weight) for like 3 months before I joined weight watchers to kick my butt into gear. Then I lost another 10 lbs! And then I quit counting points and I'm back up 3 lbs. But ummm, yeah. I know you can lose the last 7 lbs if you want to! Good luck!