You can't keep a weight loss blog and not write about New Year Resolutions, right? Plus I figure I've got about 10 minutes before the kids (OH YES, THAT IS PLURAL) wake up so...
I started doing Sundry's year end recap thing until my own eyes glazed over (seriously, I answered pretty much every question with "new baby") but filling it out (halfway, at least) made me realize one thing: I've started exercising. I think it was the "what accomplishment are you most proud of" question (there's one like that, right?) (how many parenthetical statements can I fit in here?) that made me realize it. I started exercising this year and that's not something I've ever done before.
I played volleyball and basketball in high school, not because I was athletic in the least, but because there just wasn't a whole lot to do where I lived and if you wanted a social life you joined a team. And when your school has only 50 some graduating seniors it's not too hard to make the team. An average-sized stateside school would have laughed me off the bench, but I played four years of basketball and two years of volleyball. I was co-captain of both teams my senior year. I loved everything about it, except my craptacular basketball coach (and even he didn't really bother me too much until the last year). Oh, and running.
I hated running. I hated conditioning drills. I hated sprints. I know I know, everyone hated them, but I swear I hated them more. I developed shin splits probably by the end of the first week of practice and I'm ashamed to say I used those shin splints to get out of many a suicide drill. When we practiced in the high school gym we ran endless loops around the perimeter and I just wanted to die. When we practiced in the base gym (we had to alternate with the boys' team) we had to run from the high school to the base gym. Not terribly far, as I remember, but as soon as it seemed okay to do so, I walked. If the weather was nice and our coach was in a bad mood we sometimes ran the perimeter of the base. TORTURE.
Even after four years of high school sports and five afternoons a week of conditioning runs, I was still fat. Not super fat. I wasn't embarrassed to wear my uniform and I was never The Fattest Girl In School, but I don't think I ever LOST weight. (I don't really know, though. I never weighed myself and honestly, except for the normal high school girl self-absorption, I wasn't that concerned about it.) And so I've spent the last ten years thinking exercise was too hard. It didn't matter. I lost weight the first time simply by changing the way I ate and going for walks around the lake with friends. (Which, technically is exercise, but I can't say I was too disciplined about it!)
The kicker is, I told myself I hated it. I remembered the pain of running lines over and over and over. The shin splints. The wanting to slow down and walk not two minutes after I started.
When we bought the treadmill downstairsI had no intention of jogging. It was going to bemy "lake" when the weather was bad or I was too lazy to pack up the kids. I was going to watch TV! I knew I could never be like my super thin friend who runs 3 miles on her treadmill while the kids are napping. AS IF.
But the first time I ever tried our treadmill, a month after Molly was born, I set it on the second to easiest program and was very dismayed to find out I would have to RUN to keep up. It must be kidding me, right? Even on the Low Intensity Setting? Low Intensity still meant RUNNING?
I barely got through that 20 minutes. I stopped four or five times. I was half proud when I finished, half mortified. I resolved to just go at my own pace next time, do my own thing. But the next time I got on the treadmill I tried the same program, and that time I only stopped three times.
This afternoon I finished the 30 minute middle-of-the-medium-intensity-programs program without stopping. And I? Am a badass.
No SERIOUSLY. I am fully aware that 30 minutes is no big thing. I know probably five minutes of that program is just walking. I know that running even one suicide of the kind I used to do in high school would probably kill me, even now. What's more important than all that, for me, is that I like doing it.
I never ever ever ever ever EVER thought I would like running. EVER! And I don't really. I'm pretty sure that running outside, on pavement, where people can see me, where I am not watching Arrested Development on Hulu would be a dreadful experience. But I am sort of bummed out when I miss a day (or four) on the treadmill. I feel stronger. It's helped me lose weight faster. It's "me" time. I really like Arrested Development. I'm pretty sure it's contributed to my relatively anxiety-free season- no small feat.
I haven't quite figured out what all the distance readings mean, but I'm pretty sure I could now run a mile without stopping, I know how lame that must sound to so many of you, but for me that IS a Christmas miracle. That's something other people can do, not me. Never me.
I am really proud of this, Internet. I'm really proud of the fact that I haven't given it up, that I LIKE doing this. I didn't achieve much this year (new baby notwithstanding, although she's pretty fabulous) but this is something I am really really proud of.
I don't have any new resolutions for 2009 (I've got my by-my-thirtieth-birthday resolutions!) but I fully intend to keep up the slow chubby girl jogging on the used treadmill in our two foot by four foot office space.
What are you proud of? What are you sticking to? Does anyone know what 1.34 means when my treadmill flashes the "distance" reading? BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA.